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Monday, 15 January 2018

My Bipolar Story Part 1

My bipolar disorder story starts at the age of 12. I was in 6th grade and had lost all of my friends to "cooler" ones. I felt so lonely and couldn't bring myself to go to school. I just stopped attending. There was nothing my parents could do. I would just cry most of the day.

I felt completely miserable. Why should I go if no one wanted to talk with me during recess? I was also the bookish girl and basically shut everyone out during the first few days until I couldn't take it anymore. See my old friends discussing magazines and sharing gossip (that I thought was about me) was the worst.

I became suicidal.  My first thoughts of suicide revolved around "Nobody loves me. I don't love myself. What's the point?" My first "mild" suicidal action where to try to stop breathing. I would go under the sheets and keep my breath in until I couldn't anymore.

My parents decided it was time to do something. They brought me to the Children's Hospital. I was so "lifeless" that I didn't respond to any of the reflex tests. I went through several exams and blood tests.

At the time, it was rare for a person of my age to have suicidal thoughts. They wanted to rule everything out, so I stayed on the medical floor for a few weeks. I was so well cared for when I went there. I had a personal occupational therapist. I did a lot of art and read a lot. But I must say it was not all fun. These things occupied me but when I would meet doctors and talk about the source of my problems I would break down in tears. I was also checked 24/7 for my safety which was hard too.

This was all near my 13th birthday. As soon as I turned 13, the doctors gave me the discharge and sent me to a Teen Institution. It was the worst. But that's in another post.

- Catherine 

If you or someone you know needs help, call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline in the US. Outside of the U.S., please visit the International Association for Suicide Prevention for a database of resources.

Québec1-866-APPELLE (277-3553)
Kids Help Phone / Tel Jeunes:  1-800-668-6868


  1. I'm really interested in your story. Can't wait to read more.

  2. Thank you for sharing your story. I'm sure it'll help others feel less alone!

    1. Thank you Robin! That’s really nice of you!

  3. I'm so sorry to hear that you went through such a hard time growing up babe, friends can be so cruel sometimes. I really hope that your story gets better for you darling and I'm really looking forward to reading more so please tweet the link to me so I can retweet it for you and give you a read and a comment. Sending you so much love and happiness 🌸💗✨

    With love, Alisha Valerie. x |

    1. Thank you for your comment :) and yes, 5 years ago it did get get better. Sending you some love as well!

  4. I'm so sorry you went through this and you are so brave to share your story.
    Sending you lots of virtual hugs!

    1. Thank you for the hugs! I appreciate your words, it only wants me to keep on going!


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